Erstellt am: 9. 1. 2014 - 18:20 Uhr

Johnny's Journeys: The Truth, the Myth & the Cuddly

An infotainment program looking at 2013, and asking the difficult questions about memes, trends, and popular ideas, that need to be asked, if we are to ever understand what it was all about.

Heute, Donnerstag, on der FM4 Homebase:
Ein surreales Hörstück von Johnny Bliss.

Oh Fate, what an impulsive mistress you are!

One day, as I sat in the Cafe Wolfersberg, miserably drinking the last dregs out of a cold Melange I'd ordered over an hour and a half before, I became aware that a strange tall man in a suit was staring at me.

After I stared back long enough for it to become uncomfortable, he came over and introduced himself.

"I am Olivier Trudeau," he told me. "I know your work very well."

At first, I was a little unsettled by this man and his odd, straightforward manner of speaking. But over the course of the next quarter hour, he made it clear to me that not only did he come in peace, but he came offering an opportunity of the sort that maybe only comes once or twice in a lifetime.

"The Thing about life," he told me, "is one never truly knows how to interpret one's own fortunes! One moment you believe you are the luckiest man alive, and then... well, then everything changes."

Following this pronouncement, he stared moodily into the copper-coloured ashtray for a long silent moment. Just when I thought he wouldn't continue, he abruptly added, "12 years ago my wife passed away."

I was just opening my mouth to provide the obligatory condolences, when he cut me off impatiently. "But she is still alive! Life is full of such contradictions. She left me a sizable fortune, and the curse of having to live with money I did not earn. She was Prussian," he added.

I felt like I should say something, but (and this would come to be a sensation I associated very strongly with this man) I was at a complete loss, as to what the appropriate response could actually be.

"Since then I have tried, again and again, to find some noble pursuit into which I can empty this cancer of a bank account. One day I'd like to get off of this rollercoaster ride; I never asked to be here!"

With sunken, gloomy eyes, he stared at me questioningly.

"Tell me, Mr. Blizzl," he murmured dreamily, "did you not also once dream of paying off your debt to society, such as it were?"

"Oh no," I said, following his gaze out the window. "It's starting to rain, isn't it? As usual, I forgot my rain jacket. My God, life is terrible."

---

PRESS RELEASE: The French-Canadian internet tycoon Olivier Trudeau has announced the broadcast of a Special episode of his syndicated infotainment program, "The Truth, the Myth, and the Cuddly", in collaboration with tax fugitive and runaway radio journalist Johnny Bliss.

It will be filmed in Studios based in the neutral Country of Andorra, presumably because they have no extradition treaty with Austria.

"Partly owing to this little misunderstanding with the Austrian tax authorities," Johnny wrote in a prepared statement, "I have been obliged to spend most of 2013 traveling around the world. As a result, I have been in the privileged position of being able to watch global and virtual trends as they were happening, from every corner of the globe."

Tonight's program, declared Mr. Trudeau, will aim to debunk the entire farce that we think of as 2013. Using interviews Mr. Bliss recorded in Canada, Australia, various European micro-States, and elsewhere, we will look with a clear and critical eye at the trends and memes which were declared to be true and real last year.

These include everything from the antics of Youtube bears and whales, to the highly-distracting scandals of certain flamboyant politicians, to climate change and the recession, and the current state of gender politics.

Warner

Smaug, or air pollution, was one of the biggest topics at the Warsaw Climate Change Conference in November 2013.

Some of the most accomplished comedians in the world vied for YouTube fame and riches in 2013, with varying degrees of success.

"Are any of these things true?" Johnny posed to us rhetorically in his prepared statement. "Or are they modern myths, fuelled by misinformation on the internet? Or are they cuddly lolcats in costume?

"You can only begin to speculate on the future, if you understand the past. That is why we are doing this. That is why we are asking the dangerous question: Are all these things we take for granted, Truth, Myth, or Cuddly?"

Johnny Bliss, 2013

The 'Peekaboo Bear', one of 2013's top internet celebrities.

Tonight (January 9th) on FM4 Homebase:

Johnny's Journeys: the Truth, the Myth, and the Cuddly.

Cast of Characters:

Olivier Trudeau - John Megill

The Panel:
Johnny Cotton - Hannes Duscher
Mountina Maplemoose - Riem Higazi
Donald Dave - David Dempsey
Natalie Brunner - herself

Sasquatch - ???

Concept&Direction: Johnny Bliss & Albert Farkas
Script: Johnny Bliss
Production: Christoph Sepin
Post-Production (Editing): Johnny Bliss